First produced by Sundog Theater, Staten Island, NY
for Scenes from the Staten Island Ferry
Two men
One woman
CARLO – in his mid-twenties
TONIO – five years older than Carlo and not as quick on his feet
EVE – in her mid-thirties, early forties, has a more refined bearing than the men
We are on the deck of the Staten Island Ferry, making its way from Staten Island to Lower Manhattan. There are wooden benches and maybe a rail overlooking the harbor.
The two men are quietly observing the woman, who is painting a watercolor of the harbor on a large sketch pad. The men appear and sound like they are from a tightly-knit Brooklyn or Staten Island neighborhood. It’s not written, but they’d lean toward “dem,” “dat” and “dis”. “”Picture” becomes “Pitcher”, particularly with Tonio. Eve’s education is revealed in her crisp and clear English. The men might be union carpenters or off-duty cops. The action would probably begin with and be punctuated by a number of awkward pauses.
CARLO
What’ch ya painting?
EVE (without looking up)
The harbor.
CARLO
How’s it going?
EVE
That would be difficult to say.
TONIO
You ever do people? Like from a photograph?
EVE (looking them over to see if they’re serious)
Like those . . . artists . . . on the sidewalk outside the Met?
TONIO
Yeah! I guess. But people. You know. Pitchers of people. From a pitcher.
CARLO
You know. From a photograph. You know.
EVE
Yeah, I know.
TONIO
Well . . ?
EVE
No.
CARLO
You ever wanna?
EVE
Well... No.
TONIO
You don’t like people?
EVE (going back to her watercolors)
I like the harbor better.
TONIO (giving her painting a critical look)
That’s the harbor?
EVE
In all its glory.
TONIO
Where is everything?
EVE (gesturing to the watercolor)
Right there. That’s it. Everything.
TONIO
That’s this harbor? That we’re standing here... looking at?
EVE
Yes.
CARLO
That’s how it looks to you?
EVE
I guess it does.
TONIO
There ain’t nothin’ there.
EVE
Carpe diem.
CARLO
Seize the day?
EVE (surprised that he knows)
Make the day what you want it to be.
TONIO
Okay... So where’s Jersey? Where’s Ellis Island? Where’s lower Manhattan for chrissake? Where is everything?
EVE (referring to the painting)
There on the left. That’s Hoboken. This is the river going up. And lower Manhattan. Is right there.
CARLO
That’s Governor’s Island?
TONIO
Where’s the Statue of Liberty?
EVE
Where it’s suppose to be. I don’t know. (Points out over the water) Right there.
TONIO
You missed it in the painting though, huh? I guess? Missed all them buildings there. All them boats. All . . . them . . .
CARLO
You missed it all.
EVE
I’ve got a boat in there. Little schooner. See it? Right there. See that? (Pointing to something in painting) It’s that little bit of white. Right... there...
CARLO
Yeah! Yeah! I see it. Heading up the... the Hudson there.
EVE
Well... I guess you could call it that.
TONIO
Good guess. That’s the Hudson all right!
EVE
Well . . . it wasn’t always the Hudson.
TONIO
The Hudson . . ? Wasn’t always . . . the Hudson?
CARLO
No?
EVE
They used to call it the . . . North River.
TONIO
Really? The Hudson?
EVE
Yes. The Hudson. Really. They called it the North River.
TONIO
You mean when the Indians was here?
EVE
No.
CARLO
Whoever called it that? The North River. Who?
EVE
A lot of people. In the eighteen, early-nineteen hundreds. Pete Hamill still does.
TONIO
Pete Hamill?
CARLO
The newspaper guy? What’s Pete Hamill know? He never got over the Giant’s moving to San Franscico.
TONIO
The Giants moved to San Franscico?
EVE
He writes books. He calls it the North River in all his novels.
CARLO
We read Pete Hamill. Used to write for the Post.
TONIO
So you ain’t gotta worry about that. The North River, huh? So what’d they call it when the Indians was here?
EVE
I don’t know. I just know it wasn’t always called the Hudson.
CARLO
I guess it couldn't a always been called the Hudson.
TONIO
Yeah.
CARLO
Would have been pretty strange if old Henry Hudson came along in his little boat there...
EVE
The Half Moon.
TONIO
Whatever...
CARLO
… and asked them Indians what this river here was called. And they said, “Big Water between West Side Highway and Palisades called... Hudson.”
EVE
Yes. That would have been . . . one heck of a coincidence.
TONIO
Yeah, that would have been something alright.
CARLO
So is that... suppose to be him? (pointing to the painting)
EVE
Who?
CARLO
Henry Hudson.
EVE
In that little boat there? Going up the Hudson?
TONIO
Yeah. The Hudson. In the pitcher there.
EVE
No... That’s me. After all this... is gone.
CARLO
It’s pretty. Must have been really nice before it . . . got all built up.
EVE
It’ll be pretty again. When everything’s gone.
CARLO
You think that’ll ever happen?
EVE
Sure.
CARLO
You mean, like global warming? Or something like that?
EVE
Could be global warming. Could be just time. Things wear out. There were seven cities under Troy. Every one of them buried and forgotten. Babylon? Flourishing civilization once. Nothing there now. Nothing civilized anyway. The fertile crescent? Iraq? Iran? Afghanistan? Ancient cities everywhere. People disappear.
CARLO
Yeah.
EVE
There are cities in Thailand. Cambodia. Laos. Someone leaves for a couple of weeks. Comes back. Jungle ate the whole place. Maybe find a stop sign. Or an old truck tire or something. But other than that. They come back. And it’s all gone.
TONIO (nodding knowingly)
I was on the south side a Chicago one time, a couple years ago.
EVE (nodding knowingly)
Jungle.
TONIO
And all this? You think it could all go back to what it was?
CARLO
When everyone’s gone?
EVE
We’ll see.
CARLO (looking at painting)
It’s sure pretty.
EVE
It’ll be pretty again.
TONIO
You sell ’em?
EVE
No.
TONIO
Come on! I’ll give you ten bucks for that right there. Don’t even have to finish it.
EVE
I don’t sell them.
TONIO
Fifteen.
EVE
No!
TONIO
Come on! I got fifteen dollars. Right here.
EVE
If I did sell my work, it’d be for more than fifteen dollars.
CARLO
All right! Now you’re talking. So they do have a price! Say a number. And we’ll haggle.
EVE
Alright. Say... fifteen... hundred.
CARLO
Holy Mackerel!
TONIO
Get outta here! You just started that pitcher there ten minutes ago. Ten minutes. into... into… an hour. Six... Into fifteen hundred. That’d be… six times ten… hundred. Six hundred… plus five… times ten, times six… is three hundred… plus the… the… six…
CARLO
About nine hundred dollars an hour.
TONIO
Whoa! Donald Trump don’t get nine hundred dollars an hour!
EVE
Donald Trump wrecked the place. I fixed it.
CARLO
I’ll give you twenty. And I’ll buy you a cup a coffee.
EVE
I said I don’t sell them. I don’t.
CARLO
What do you do with ’em?
EVE
I just paint them.
TONIO
And then what?
EVE
And then… just before we get into the dock there… I throw them overboard.
TONIO
Morrone!
EVE
That’s what I do with them. You asked.
TONIO
He just said he’d give you twenty bucks for that painting there. And you’re gonna throw it into the harbor?
EVE
He also said a cup a coffee.
TONIO
Fuggitabout a cup a coffee! You gonna throw that pitcher overboard? Into the water?
CARLO
After I said I’d like to have it? After I offered you twenty bucks for it?
EVE
And a cup of coffee. That was the offer. Or are you taking that back?
CARLO
You said, “No.” Said you’re gonna throw it over the side anyway.
EVE
Well… I guess that’s what I’m going do then.
TONIO
I should throw you overboard! And just keep the frigging painting!
EVE
I don’t swim. So that really bright move might end up costing you a lot more than twenty dollars.
CARLO
He might get off.
EVE
Johnnie Cochrane’s dead.
TONIO
Then throw it in! Go ahead! Maybe I’ll just fish it out. And we’ll own it for nothing.
EVE
It’s a watercolor. They don’t last long in the harbor. The river here swallows its young. Just like the city. Swallows people up. Swallows ’em whole. And doesn’t always spit them out.
TONIO
And so you paint pitchers? And throw ’em into the water?
EVE
What else am I going do with them?
TONIO
Whaddaya, one them crazy artists? Cuts off your ear to make a point?
EVE
No. I’m a lawyer. Davis, Polk, and Wardwell. I work with Deutsche Bank.
CARLO
Wasn’t that… one of them buildings that… that dropped?
EVE
No. Our offices are a couple blocks away. Over Wall Street. Fiftieth floor though. (pause) Had a great view that morning.
CARLO
Yeah. (long pause) We did too.
TONIO
We were walking up from the Battery. I was eating a fried egg on a onion bagel.
Holding one a them blue cardboard cups a coffee. With the Greek thing on it. We were going to… meet our other brother… Marco.
EVE
You’re two… are brothers?
CARLO
Yeah. We’re brothers. There were three of us. Marco was… the third. He was… the baby.
TONIO
He used to go in early. Was gonna come down, meet us for breakfast. At nine-thirty.
EVE
Where was he?
CARLO
North Tower. 87th floor.
EVE
They never found him?
CARLO
No.
TONIO
They found his picture. This picture he had.
CARLO
It was a picture of the three of us actually. Survived somehow. One of those crazy things.
TONIO
He had it in his wallet.
CARLO
Someone found it over by the West Side Highway. We got it.
TONIO
His picture… Carlo got it…
EVE
Ars longa, vita brevis.
CARLO
What’s that? Ars… ? More Latin?
EVE
Ars longa, vita brevis. Art is long. Life is short.
(Carlo takes the photo from his wallet)
TONIO
It’s just a pitcher.
CARLO
Just a photograph.
EVE
Let me see it. (he hands it to her) Nice.
CARLO (taking the photo back)
Yeah…
EVE
You want to sell it?
CARLO
It’s all we got.
EVE
What’s it worth to you? What would you take?
TONIO
Nothing! Nothing at all.
EVE
I’ll give you a painting for it.
CARLO
What would you do with it?
EVE
I don’t know. (considering the photo) It’d look good in a frame on my desk.
CARLO
You think?
(He considers carefully.)
(Then as just carefully, he hands her the photo. And takes her painting in exchange)
EVE
You know… (considering the photo she is now holding) I’ll probably
Just… throw it overboard.
CARLO (considering the painting he’s holding)
Yeah. Me too.
EVE (still looking at the photo)
He was very nice looking.
CARLO (still looking at painting)
Yeah. So was the harbor.
(There is a long pause and then – End of play)